I was driving home a couple of days ago when I pulled up to a light. There were several cars in front of me including a small red ford escort. As I came to a stop I noticed a piece of orange paper came through the drivers’ side window of that red escort. At first I thought maybe the paper had been “blown” out, that a gust of wind had grabbed the paper and ripped it from the confines of the car. However upon further thought I concluded that such events really only occur when your vehicle is in motion and the windows are down. Additionally on top of this fact there was an odd absence of any wind that would be capable of such actions. With these two thoughts put together and the sight of her hand coming back into the car I realized the woman had thrown the piece of paper out the car window!!! Let me repeat, this SLOB of a lady had THROWN trash, a piece of paper specifically, out of her car window!

How big of a slob do you have to be lady? I mean you’re in your CAR; it has plenty of space to lay that paper down until you reach a trash can or a dumpster. Why was it so imperative that you must THROW the paper out of the window? Was in soaked in some radioactive element that necessitated the removal of it for your own personal Safety? Was it awash in anthrax? Did it harbor painful emotions of your fathers’ death? I think not!

Because I found the whole act to wreak of disrespect and general “slobness” I made a decision. I was going to get out of my car and go pick up that piece of paper! Yup, that was what I was going to do, no ifs ands or buts about it. Only one further question remained… do I say anything to this lady (who was now killing herself by inhaling cancer) or do I simply lift the trash from the asphalt and return to my car?

When I opened my car door and started out and towards her vehicle I was still unaware of what my own actions would be. Would I berate her? Ask her why she was such pig? Call her a name and run away? No… I would end up doing none of those things; would I pass on those actions because I was not in a mood to be a vindictive jerk, unwilling to come across as a self-righteous prick? Maybe, maybe not; I’m not actually sure because as I approached the piece of paper laying on the ground so, out of place, an orange blob on a sea of blacktop, the signal light changed. In an instant I was transformed. One moment a concerned citizen who dislikes litter, the next a jackass blocking the way home for afternoon commuters. I was suddenly going to be impeding traffic and quite surely on the receiving end of several angry honks if I did not proceed quickly back to my car. In my own interest for self preservation and avoidances of embarrassment I simply picked up the piece of paper, shot a quick but evil glare at Mrs. smoking slob bag who throws paper out of her car window and quickly headed back to the safely of my vehicle.

When I arrived home I easily tossed the paper (turned out it was a flyer for a band) into the trash can and took a small bit of pleasure in knowing I had made Mrs. slob lady acutely aware that not everyone thinks its ok to throw crap out of your car window simply because you’re to big of a slob and or too lazy to await until you arrive home to dispose of your own trash.

Self Reflection: Could this lady have had a good reason to throw the paper out? Could I have misjudged the situation? Could I be the real prick in all of this? Probably. I’ve been wrong in the past, but if I thought about all of that, then what fun would this blog post have been?